Out of the cave
I finally decided to get out of my little cocoon, or cave, or whatever you want to call it. The past year I’ve mostly spent time at home, solely with myself. Never before have I spent so much time alone, moreover been this unsocial in my entire life. But it has all been voluntarily, and just what I needed.
People around me have told me to do more. To travel, date, be more social and use my freedom. And the fact is that I could have done all these things because I’m incredibly free.
I run my own company and don’t have to ask anyone to go on holiday. I work mostly online and can take my work with me wherever I go. I rent an apartment, and I’m debt-free. It’s just me, and I make all the decisions. So why have I spent most of the past year in my home in Oslo? All by myself? When my possibilities are endless?
Aloneness, but not loneliness
Because that’s what I wanted and needed. I needed to be alone, quiet, with myself. I had to get to know myself all over again, to readjust from my «old» life, which was full-time family life, with bonus-kids, a man, an eight to four job and debt up over my ears.
I needed to sit with my heartache and sorrows. To heal my wounds and listen to my body. To remember what’s important to me and get used to my new lifestyle. Cause when you lose so much, you need to redefine your entire reality.
For me, this is inward work, and it takes time. And for me, this kind of work can’t be done in a foreign country, at parties, with a new date or surrounded with friends. It’s done alone, because only I have the answers to my present and my future. And there is no rushing this process. It is what it is, and that’s perfectly fine.
If I were to be all over the world, filled with new impressions and activities, how would I ever know where I stand and how to be safe within myself?
One year later
Almost a year has passed with this new reality (and yes, it still feels new to me), but in the middle of July, a feeling started to dawn on me. A sense of outward expression, of expansion, inspiration and a desire to get out of my comfort zone. It took me a while, but I’m finally ready.
So I’ve picked up on my Spanish studies, increased my essential oil teachings, booked a one-way ticket to a beautiful country and made plans and for the next twelve months. I’m starting to appreciate my freedom instead of feeling overwhelmed by it. And I’m going to use it for all that it’s worth.
Therefore, in the future, this blog might become a bit more personal where I’ll share more from my past, present and future journey. Because what I’ve been going through the past year, and my life is not unique. But the way that I’ve handled it might be. Cause I follow my inner voice. I dear to feel and I dear to be alone. I listen to my body, and I honestly don’t give a fuck what other people think that I should do or not. So maybe I can inspire you to react differently to your life’s circumstances. To follow your voice and to stop the noise from the outside world.
I look forward to this new way of experiencing and sharing, and I hope you will follow along with me.
– Love Iselin <3